Here, have a smoke.

At the beginning of your upkeep, you may put a soot counter on this artifact. At the beginning of each player's upkeep, that player sacrifices a permanent of their choice for each soot counter on this artifact.

Each noncreature artifact loses all abilities and becomes an artifact creature with power and toughness each equal to its mana value. If this enchantment leaves the battlefield, this effect continues until end of turn.

: Target player gains control of target artifact, creature, or land you control.

Spells and abilities your opponents control can't cause you to sacrifice permanents.

: Add . : Each player gains control of all creatures they own.