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Title: Chuck Narset Jokes/Facts...
Date Posted: Fri Jan/22/16 at 3:42am

The following users like this post:
simondiamond2012, knarf_the_dwarf

simondiamond2012
Posts: 46
Joined: 25-Oct-15


Since there's little more synonymous with geekdom as Magic and Chuck Norris jokes and facts, why not combine the two?

As many will attest, especially in the context of Commander, Narset is a house. And easily, the butt of many potential jokes being the one man army that she is...

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1. Mark Rosewater once asked Chuck Norris if he could make a magic card out of his likeness. Chuck Norris refused because there's nothing more American than Chuck Norris. Being the vengeful fanboy that he is, MaRo went on to create a card that spoofed him.

The result was Narset, Enlightend Master.

2. Chuck Narset is so fast she made the Rocky Horror Picture Show do the Time Warp. Again.

3. When God said "let there be light", Chuck Narset attacked for the first time in a turn.

4. Chuck Narset is Darth Vader's mother, and father.

5. If you can spell Chuck Narset in a game of Scrabble, you get an automatic invite to the Magic Pro Tour. Forever.

6. Chuck Narset has already been to Uranus. She was there the last time she kicked it.

7. Chuck Narset has also been to Mars. That's why there's no signs of life.

8. A Klondike Bar would do anything for a Chuck Narset.

9. Chuck Narset once peed into a urinal, while doing a hand stand. It shattered.

10. Chuck Narset doesn't have genitals between her legs. She has a third combat phase.

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***If Chuck Norris was ever made into an MTG card, they would NEVER give him first strike. That's because everyone knows Chuck Norris always strikes first.***
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11. Chuck Narset taught the Primeval Titan how to search for land.

12. Chuck Narset is the reason why Teferi was caught in the Time Bubble.

13. Chuck Narset never uses Twitter. That's because she's already following you.

14. Many years ago, Chuck Narset once axe kicked a desert horse for trying to trample her. Their descendants are now known as humpback camels.

15. Chuck Narset doesn't pass stones; she passes boulders.

16. Chuck Narset once convinced the executives at Fox News that Chuck Norris facts were actually real.

17. Chuck Narset can speak in Braille.

18. Chuck Narset once started a fire by putting two sticks between her legs and rubbing them together.

19. Chuck Narset once crank called a Domino's Pizza in Las Vegas using a styrofoam cup and a piece of string. She placed the call from the plane of Tarkir.

20. Chuck Narset once crank called Kevin Nealon, while he was in character as Lou Villman, during an episode of Crank Yankers. She challenged him to a penis measuring contest, in which she claimed to be bigger than him. Since then, Kevin's been only able to say "WOW" during his in character act.

21. Chuck Narset once crank called Moe's Tavern during an episode of The Simpsons. She posed as the Presidential candidate "Deez Nuts" from Iowa.

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Feel free to come up with some of your own Chuck Narset facts and jokes.
Date Posted: Sun Jan/24/16 at 6:45pm

The following users like this post:
simondiamond2012

Boyachi
Posts: 1553
Joined: 02-Nov-11

Chuck Narset uses pages from the Library of Alexandria to roll up her black lotus joints.

Chuck Narset played tag with MC Hammer and won.

Chuck Narset has Apocalypse dinner bell is an Apocalypse Chime, her dinner plate is a Golgothian Sylex and she drinks wine from a City in a Bottle.

Chuck Narset found a game winning combo circling around Steamflogger Boss.

Chuck Narset once won a game after the sixth turn of Demonic Pact on her battlefield.

Chuck Narset has never lost a round to Finkel.

Chuck Narset was once attacked by a 6/6 doublestriker. She laughed as she roundhouse kicked it, as she has hexproof.
Date Posted: Wed Jan/27/16 at 12:36am

The following users like this post:
simondiamond2012

simondiamond2012
Posts: 46
Joined: 25-Oct-15

22. The Most Interesting Man In The World finds Chuck Narset more interesting than himself.

23. Chuck Narset doesn't tell the truth. The truth tells Chuck Narset its side of the story out of fear of getting roundhouse kicked.

24. Bo Jackson might know football and baseball, but even Bo don't know Chuck Narset.

25. The only thing that Nicol Bolas and Chuck Narset can agree on is that Jace Beleren is a sexually frustrated emo brat.

26. The chief export of Chuck Narset are game concessions.