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Title: The search for the funniest flavor text...
Date Posted: Tue Dec/01/09 at 10:36pm

shakii23
Posts: 5711
Joined: 08-Sep-09

When I started buying MtG back when I was still in High School, I always look at the card's flavor text before looking at anything else. Anything else is pertaining to, casting cost, rarity, ability, card name card type etc.

For the fun of it, let us ask everyone to share which card's flavor text do you think is the funniest.. Including Goblin cards... Which by the way have the funniest flavor text in them...
Date Posted: Tue Dec/01/09 at 10:39pm

shakii23
Posts: 5711
Joined: 08-Sep-09

My personal Favorite is Brightstone Ritual..
Date Posted: Wed Dec/02/09 at 1:56pm

Turbine
Posts: 10194
Joined: 26-Oct-09

I like Ib Halfheart and Goblin Lackey
Date Posted: Thu Dec/03/09 at 8:25am

zar
Posts: 2
Joined: 02-Dec-09

phyrexian hulk
Date Posted: Thu Dec/03/09 at 1:09pm

DyingJester
Posts: 1771
Joined: 16-Dec-08

Fodder Cannon!


[Edited by Metal_Overlord on 3/Dec/09 at 1:31PM]
Date Posted: Fri Dec/04/09 at 1:59am

gericault5
Posts: 2788
Joined: 13-Oct-09

gotta go with unhinge.
Date Posted: Fri Dec/04/09 at 4:15pm

Turbine
Posts: 10194
Joined: 26-Oct-09

Are you talking about the version of Phyrexian Hulk with the children's rhyme?
Date Posted: Thu Feb/11/10 at 5:06am

rubbafish
Posts: 26
Joined: 10-Feb-10

Gorilla Titan.

Also most of the Goblin cards amuse me.
Date Posted: Thu Feb/11/10 at 11:05am

Twogunkid
Posts: 2609
Joined: 22-Jan-10

Goblin Spelunkers--" You go first its only a short jump. - Aieeeeeeee!!!!! Hmmm... We go different way now" or Festering Goblin - "In life it was a fetid disease ridden creature. In death not much changed"

Funniest flavor text will always be on a goblin card or a card dealing with goblins.
Date Posted: Tue Feb/16/10 at 8:06pm

shakii23
Posts: 5711
Joined: 08-Sep-09

I agree that the funniest flavor texts are those from goblin cards but there are other cards that are close to goblin cards.
Date Posted: Fri Feb/26/10 at 12:10pm

Skybreak22
Posts: 327
Joined: 01-Feb-10

One of my long-time favorites....   Wave of Indifference

Flavor Text :  "Darius?"
                       "Yeah?"
                       "There's a goblin sneaking up on you."
                       "So?"
                       "Just sayin'."
Date Posted: Fri Feb/26/10 at 11:58pm

JMDin83
Posts: 880
Joined: 30-Jul-09

Carnival of Souls:
"‘Davvol, blast those elves.' ‘Davvol, transport those troops.' No one cares that today is my birthday."
Best....Flavor...Text....EVER!  THE GUY IS EVEN BOUT TO CRY! lol LOOKIT HIM!
Date Posted: Sat Feb/27/10 at 8:42am

meisveerysmurt
Posts: 31
Joined: 01-Jan-10

Spire Barrage
"Goblin lessons include the 2,071 rules for survival. Frek only remembered 2,070."
Life as a goblin must be rough...getting crushed by boulders for not remembering one tip, I'm surprised a goblin even has that much brain capacity to remember all those tips.

Goblin Soothsayer
"I see a great victory and rivers of blood. And... hmm, looks like a spleen." - Grishmak, goblin soothsayer
Something about the word spleen I find amusing.

Brightstone Ritual (I just noticed this was already posted by shakii23 but it is a good one)
"Wizards fought over the stone to exploit its power. Goblins fought over it because it's shiny."
All I have to say is Ohhh...shiny and goblin flavor texts own.


[Edited by meisveerysmurt on 27/Feb/10 at 8:45AM]
Date Posted: Sat Feb/27/10 at 10:24am

JMDin83
Posts: 880
Joined: 30-Jul-09


Squee bounced up and down. "I sees a horsey, an' a piggy, an' a—"
"If you don't shut up," hissed Mirri, "you'll see a kidney and a spleeny."  
That one came off of Aluren...and then Recycle is an example of a card not needing flavor text, because you can guess what it would say thanks to the art:
Date Posted: Mon Mar/01/10 at 5:54pm

lin sivvi
Posts: 1608
Joined: 14-Jan-10

Enormous Baloth

Its diet consists of fruits, plants, small woodland animals, large
woodland animals, woodlands, fruit groves, fruit farmers, and small
cities.
Date Posted: Mon Mar/01/10 at 10:18pm

shakii23
Posts: 5711
Joined: 08-Sep-09

I also like Fodder Cannon...
Date Posted: Tue Mar/02/10 at 10:33am

lin sivvi
Posts: 1608
Joined: 14-Jan-10

Also Pinpoint Avalanche

Some solve problems by thinking and talking. Others use rocks."
-Toggo, goblin weaponsmith
Date Posted: Tue Mar/02/10 at 10:39am

lin sivvi
Posts: 1608
Joined: 14-Jan-10

infact, all the flavor texts by Toggo

"What's better than smashing things with a rock? A rock that gets up and smashes things for you."
-Toggo, goblin weaponsmith

Did you know that wood burns even better than rocks?"
-Toggo, goblin weaponsmith

"I love lightning It's my best invention since the rock."
-Toggo, goblin weaponsmith
Date Posted: Tue Mar/09/10 at 2:38am

Icuonuez
Posts: 241
Joined: 02-Mar-10

"We'll scale these cliffs, traverse Brittle Bridge, and then fight our way down the volcanic slopes on the other side."
"Isn't the shortest route through the canyon?"
"Yes."
"So shouldn't we-"
"No."

Canyon Minotaur flavor text.
Date Posted: Tue Mar/09/10 at 2:46am

shakii23
Posts: 5711
Joined: 08-Sep-09

I also like the flavor text of "Daring Apprentice"...

I've seen my master do this a hundred times. How hard can it be?
Date Posted: Fri Mar/12/10 at 7:49pm

ARCANIS
Posts: 86
Joined: 22-Feb-10

"We've managed to keep the goblins in their assigned areas, but there's little we can do about the smell."

 
Date Posted: Tue Mar/16/10 at 12:26pm

lin sivvi
Posts: 1608
Joined: 14-Jan-10


Date Posted: Mon Apr/12/10 at 11:56am

Danielone
Posts: 42
Joined: 31-Mar-10

Plated Rootwalla!! (it teachs us how to finish stories)

Ogre Warrior. (It seems like Wizards had no ink left)

Incinerate (You should now it)

Lhurgoyf (Used for an unhinged card)

Goblin gardener, Urza's Destiny (Best!)

Enormous Baloth (If you wanna know how to feed a baloth, read it)
Date Posted: Mon Apr/12/10 at 8:02pm

Houston
Posts: 101
Joined: 17-Mar-10

Giant Crab
Date Posted: Wed Apr/14/10 at 4:20am

shakii23
Posts: 5711
Joined: 08-Sep-09

Krark-clan Ironworks
Date Posted: Mon Apr/19/10 at 7:04pm

lin sivvi
Posts: 1608
Joined: 14-Jan-10

Panic
"If you'd been there, you would've run from that deer, too!" -Jaya
Ballard, Task Mage
Date Posted: Tue Apr/20/10 at 12:49am

Superbrage
Posts: 40
Joined: 13-Jan-10

 


"Who's the crazy one now?"

—Torgle, mountaintop boatmaker

Sea's Claim
Date Posted: Tue Apr/20/10 at 6:52pm

lin sivvi
Posts: 1608
Joined: 14-Jan-10

That goes so perfectly with the picture.
Date Posted: Wed Apr/21/10 at 2:27pm

Houston
Posts: 101
Joined: 17-Mar-10

 

Gwendlyn Di Corci

Is she turning tricks to our fellow swards man? That Dirty Dirty Whore...
Date Posted: Thu Apr/22/10 at 10:16pm

lin sivvi
Posts: 1608
Joined: 14-Jan-10

I never really found that one funny.
Date Posted: Thu Apr/22/10 at 10:18pm

lin sivvi
Posts: 1608
Joined: 14-Jan-10


Date Posted: Sun Apr/25/10 at 5:06pm

redringer8
Posts: 183
Joined: 28-Mar-10

Skybreak22

that flavor text is hilarious
Date Posted: Mon May/03/10 at 6:47pm

Turbine
Posts: 10194
Joined: 26-Oct-09

I change my favorite flavor text. Atogatog is the funniest card in the history of Magic!
Date Posted: Mon May/03/10 at 6:48pm

lin sivvi
Posts: 1608
Joined: 14-Jan-10


Date Posted: Mon May/03/10 at 6:48pm

lin sivvi
Posts: 1608
Joined: 14-Jan-10

AtogAtog is definatly up there
Date Posted: Tue May/04/10 at 5:13am

darkangel
Posts: 7
Joined: 02-Apr-10

goblin sledder is one of my favorites " Lets play 'sled'. Here's how it works: your the sled."

Skirk Prospector "I like goblins. They make funny little popping sounds when they die."
Date Posted: Wed May/12/10 at 6:47pm

Turbine
Posts: 10194
Joined: 26-Oct-09

Also on there
Date Posted: Wed May/12/10 at 7:01pm

Twogunkid
Posts: 2609
Joined: 22-Jan-10

Squirrel WranglerSquirrel Nest Those funny little squirrels
Date Posted: Wed May/12/10 at 9:48pm

lin sivvi
Posts: 1608
Joined: 14-Jan-10

eh... c'mon guys there is better
Date Posted: Wed May/12/10 at 10:46pm

shakii23
Posts: 5711
Joined: 08-Sep-09

How about
gorilla titan
Date Posted: Thu May/13/10 at 3:06am

shakii23
Posts: 5711
Joined: 08-Sep-09


Date Posted: Thu May/13/10 at 7:10am

lin sivvi
Posts: 1608
Joined: 14-Jan-10


Date Posted: Sat May/15/10 at 2:18am

Lightsteel
Posts: 86
Joined: 10-May-10

Love unhinge, fodder cannon, and more
Date Posted: Sat May/15/10 at 6:23am

Draco_lich
Posts: 1073
Joined: 07-May-10

fodder cannon or guard duty (when i first saw the spoiler for that card i thought it was a joke... but i got one in a pack)
Date Posted: Sat May/15/10 at 1:16pm

Twogunkid
Posts: 2609
Joined: 22-Jan-10

armadilo cloak
Date Posted: Sun May/16/10 at 3:27pm

Turbine
Posts: 10194
Joined: 26-Oct-09

I thought the Guard Duty art was a joke too. It looked too silly.
Date Posted: Sun May/16/10 at 3:28pm

Turbine
Posts: 10194
Joined: 26-Oct-09

Gorilla Titan has already been posted farther up.
Date Posted: Sun May/16/10 at 7:57pm

shakii23
Posts: 5711
Joined: 08-Sep-09

Yup, i didn't realized it until i checked after i posted that one...
Date Posted: Mon May/17/10 at 4:07pm

lin sivvi
Posts: 1608
Joined: 14-Jan-10


Date Posted: Mon May/17/10 at 4:14pm

lin sivvi
Posts: 1608
Joined: 14-Jan-10


Date Posted: Mon May/17/10 at 4:16pm

Twogunkid
Posts: 2609
Joined: 22-Jan-10

Monstorous growth

"suddenly the nightstalkers' game of tease the squirrel took an unexpected turn"
Date Posted: Thu Jul/08/10 at 7:01am

psyche
Posts: 1250
Joined: 31-Aug-09


Date Posted: Thu Jul/08/10 at 8:33am

Twogunkid
Posts: 2609
Joined: 22-Jan-10

orcish settlers

They wouldn't know their home from a charred hole in the ground

or 5th orcish farmer

There is no disaster like orcish farming
Date Posted: Thu Jul/08/10 at 12:13pm

scottymandingo
Posts: 845
Joined: 13-Jul-09

Deflection: Up and down, over and through, back around - the joke's on you.

It may not be super funny, but for some reason I've always like it.
Date Posted: Thu Jul/08/10 at 12:34pm

W@W Podcaster
Posts: 445
Joined: 01-Jun-10

Cerodon Yearling is definitely my favorite.
Date Posted: Thu Jul/08/10 at 12:40pm

scottymandingo
Posts: 845
Joined: 13-Jul-09

Haha, that is a good one. :)
Date Posted: Thu Jul/08/10 at 3:59pm

Porphy
Posts: 1
Joined: 08-Jul-10

Fodder Cannon:

Step 1: Find your cousin.
Step 2: Get your cousin in the cannon.

Step 3: Find another cousin.
Date Posted: Mon Sep/06/10 at 4:04pm

Turbine
Posts: 10194
Joined: 26-Oct-09

I don't know if I've posted it before, but Stifle is amazing!

Stifle: If I wanted your opinion, I would have told you what it was.
Date Posted: Mon Sep/06/10 at 4:27pm

Wolfclan14
Posts: 461
Joined: 23-Jan-10

I like it!
Date Posted: Mon Sep/06/10 at 4:35pm

Turbine
Posts: 10194
Joined: 26-Oct-09


Date Posted: Mon Sep/06/10 at 5:14pm

Mentok
Posts: 202
Joined: 26-Jul-10

my faves
Date Posted: Mon Sep/06/10 at 5:23pm

Mentok
Posts: 202
Joined: 26-Jul-10

PERFECT!
Date Posted: Mon Sep/06/10 at 5:34pm

Turbine
Posts: 10194
Joined: 26-Oct-09

I remember that one.
Date Posted: Mon Sep/06/10 at 6:55pm

shakii23
Posts: 5711
Joined: 08-Sep-09

hahaha... i'm guessing on his opponent...
Date Posted: Mon Sep/06/10 at 7:03pm

Turbine
Posts: 10194
Joined: 26-Oct-09

Yep.
Date Posted: Mon Sep/06/10 at 10:01pm

scottymandingo
Posts: 845
Joined: 13-Jul-09

I'd say more... in his opponent. ;)
Date Posted: Mon Sep/06/10 at 10:57pm

shakii23
Posts: 5711
Joined: 08-Sep-09

on...
top...
of...
his...
opponent's....
head....



Happy?
Date Posted: Mon Sep/06/10 at 11:48pm

scottymandingo
Posts: 845
Joined: 13-Jul-09

No. I was thinking more of:

Up...
His...
Opponent's...
Ass...

Pretty sure that's what they were going for. :)
Date Posted: Mon Sep/06/10 at 11:52pm

shakii23
Posts: 5711
Joined: 08-Sep-09

Hahaha... By the looks of it, i think he's going for his opponent's ass...
Date Posted: Sun Sep/12/10 at 11:24am

Turbine
Posts: 10194
Joined: 26-Oct-09

Knock out his opponent's ***
Date Posted: Sun Sep/12/10 at 7:23pm

shakii23
Posts: 5711
Joined: 08-Sep-09

or maybe into his opponent's mouth, down its throat, out its ass...
Date Posted: Sun Sep/12/10 at 7:26pm

Turbine
Posts: 10194
Joined: 26-Oct-09

Which *** are you talking about here?
Date Posted: Sun Sep/12/10 at 10:17pm

shakii23
Posts: 5711
Joined: 08-Sep-09

opponent's ass of course...
Date Posted: Mon Sep/13/10 at 8:03pm

Turbine
Posts: 10194
Joined: 26-Oct-09

Which definition though?
Date Posted: Wed Sep/29/10 at 9:07am

psyche
Posts: 1250
Joined: 31-Aug-09


Date Posted: Wed Sep/29/10 at 9:44am

wurtnik
Posts: 342
Joined: 08-May-10

Lol nice find :)

I like the flavour text from last word:

"Someday, someone will best me. But it won't be today, and it won't be you."
Date Posted: Wed Sep/29/10 at 8:13pm

Bladelord00
Posts: 112
Joined: 13-Nov-08


Date Posted: Wed Sep/29/10 at 8:16pm

Bladelord00
Posts: 112
Joined: 13-Nov-08

Vizzerdrix
Braids Cabal Minion
Molder Slug
Gifts Given
Catapult master
Date Posted: Thu Sep/30/10 at 4:16am

shakii23
Posts: 5711
Joined: 08-Sep-09

again with the gifts given... it's gifts ungiven... like realms uncharted... but way better...
Date Posted: Thu Sep/30/10 at 7:24am

Turbine
Posts: 10194
Joined: 26-Oct-09

What is Gifts Given???
Date Posted: Thu Sep/30/10 at 10:12pm

RedPanda
Posts: 174
Joined: 27-Aug-10


Goes with the picture pretty well. :D
Date Posted: Thu Sep/30/10 at 10:41pm

shakii23
Posts: 5711
Joined: 08-Sep-09

Bladelord thought Gifts ungiven was named Gifts Given...
Date Posted: Thu Sep/30/10 at 10:45pm

RedPanda
Posts: 174
Joined: 27-Aug-10

Gifts Ungiven doesn't have flavor text, though...
Date Posted: Fri Oct/01/10 at 9:08pm

Bladelord00
Posts: 112
Joined: 13-Nov-08

no im pretty certain it is gifts given
Date Posted: Sat Oct/02/10 at 1:07am

scottymandingo
Posts: 845
Joined: 13-Jul-09




[Edited by scottymandingo on 2/Oct/10 at 1:07AM]
Date Posted: Sun Oct/17/10 at 8:09am

E-n-S
Posts: 189
Joined: 16-Aug-10

Tin Street Hooligan and War-Torch Goblin are 2 of my favorites.^^
Date Posted: Sun Oct/17/10 at 10:01am

MegaDuce
Posts: 71
Joined: 30-Aug-10



It doesnt make any sence!!!!


[Edited by MegaDuce on 17/Oct/10 at 9:08PM]
Date Posted: Sun Oct/17/10 at 5:58pm

Turbine
Posts: 10194
Joined: 26-Oct-09

Well, they don't want to copy it, is what.
Date Posted: Tue Nov/09/10 at 4:50pm

Turbine
Posts: 10194
Joined: 26-Oct-09


Date Posted: Tue Nov/09/10 at 5:49pm

lin sivvi
Posts: 1608
Joined: 14-Jan-10


it is saying your even lower life than rats.  rather effective insult
Date Posted: Tue Nov/09/10 at 7:34pm

Turbine
Posts: 10194
Joined: 26-Oct-09

How does that flavor text relate to the card, other than rats.
Date Posted: Sun Nov/21/10 at 12:04pm

Turbine
Posts: 10194
Joined: 26-Oct-09





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